WHAT DID YOU SAY????

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The message sent is not always the message received.
Virginia Satir

Years ago I visited a friend in Honduras for a couple of weeks. Their Internet service was sparse at best, so I could only contact my husband, Neal, every other day or so, via email. The night before I was to fly home I received a message from him that said something like, I’ve looked over our budget. We need to make some changes. Vacuumed the entire house. Changes need to be made there too. See you soon.

Well, I don’t mind telling you I was pretty darned miffed. All night I fumed. So, he thinks I spend too much money does he? Well, one look in my closet where only six dresses hang and three pair of shoes sit on the floor, will prove I don’t. So, I don’t clean house good enough for him? Well, if he wants to take over the cleaning, more power to him.

At the airport in Tulsa, I had plenty of time to marinate in my anger. When I saw him, I could have frozen him with my stare. Clearly confused, he followed me as I sped to the luggage pick-up, all the while asking me what was wrong. Believe you me, I let him have it.

Neal was so shocked by my inference of his email, he had to sit down. “Linda, I meant that our budget had to be changed to provide you with more money. I saw your closet when I vacuumed it and realized you clearly needed more clothes. And after using that vacuum, I realized we need a new one. I would have bought one already, but I wanted you to get what you wanted.

By the time he finished I was looking for something to crawl under. Since that day, when one of us says something that nettles the other, we answer, “This is what I hear you saying,” which gives the other the opportunity to clarify.

Emails, Facebook, Twitter, and other social media outlets are fertile seedbeds for misrepresentation, anger, negativity, and misunderstanding. Let us be careful. Yes, we are entitled to our opinion on our own page. Personally, I try to avoid controversial opinions even there. On another’s page, however, unless invited to do so, it is best to keep our opinions to ourselves.

That said, I violated this advice myself just a couple of days ago. A dear friend posted something that I had strong feelings about and I wrote a comment. Then I deleted it and wrote it again, edited and then posted. This violated my core value of peace and the nagging followed me like a whiney child. So I deleted it—again. What bothered me the most was the possible message she might have received from my comment. I would never want her to think that I thought of her as anything less than wonderful.

In my opinion it is best to send undeniable messages of peace, understanding, and love. AND yes, I was a teenager in the 70’s.

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THEN BREAKS THE DAWN

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No sun outlasts its sunset, but will rise again and bring the dawn.
~ Maya Angelou

The last few weeks have been tough, haven’t they? The violence, hate, anger, bitterness, and murder has been relentless, making us wonder, will it ever end? Is there an answer?

I liken these events that keep popping up to a game my kids used to play called Whack a Mole. The object was to whack the mole on the head with a stick each time one of them popped up. The problem was knowing when and where they’d appear. It was a hard game. This is a hard, new, reality of our lives. One we will not outlast, but . . .

We can bring the dawn in our corner of our world. What do you want in life? Peace? Compassion? Love? Then be that on Facebook, in your blogs, on Twitter. I’m not saying put your head in the sand, BUT I am saying that we have a choice: be a part of the problem or part of the solution.

Face it, no one listens to our opinions on Facebook except for those who agree with us. And those who don’t get angrier and angrier. So, let it go. No one is going to change their mind by our negative posts or tweets or blogs.

Be a part of the solution. Be what you want to see. Bring the dawn.

SQUALLS & STORMS

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It takes a real storm in the average person’s life to make him realize how much worrying he has done over the squalls. ~ Bruce Barton

When my children were small I used to harp on them about picking their things up, make their beds, do this, do that. And so I should have because it taught them responsibility. But what shouldn’t have happened is where my feelings of frustration took me. After a hard day, something as simple as tripping over a pair of ragged athletic shoes would make me want to yell.

However, Christmas Day, 1997, the owner of those shoes, my son William, was flown to Arkansas Children’s Hospital. He suffered a brain empyema caused from a sinus infection where the pressure had pushed the infection past the blood/brain barrier. He was only thirteen at the time. The doctors said he had a 50/50 chance of survival.

While he was in surgery I thought about those shoes and how I would gladly trip over them every day if only William would survive. Thankfully he did.

Squalls and storms. I learned the difference that day. Not to say I haven’t fretted over a squall since then, but it only takes this memory to help me adjust my attitude.

I’M FINISHED WITH IT!

You can’t forgive without loving. And I don’t mean sentimentality. I don’t mean mush. I mean having enough courage to stand up and say, “I forgive. I’m finished with it.” ~ Maya Angelou

The reason I love this quote is because it both embodies what love truly is and the real benefactor from forgiveness.

Ms. Angelou got it right. Love isn’t sentimentality or mushy feelings. It is respecting, valuing, and honoring. It is doing the right thing even if it is hard or goes unnoticed.

Dovetail that with forgiveness. I used to think forgiveness was to benefit the offender. This understanding of forgiveness made it hard  for me to forgive because I didn’t feel that person deserved to be forgiven. I felt like I was giving that person a pass. It was the same to me as saying, “What you did was okay, you are not to blame.”

However, now I realize forgiveness is for me. It is for me to be free. I needed to respect, value, and honor, myself! And I couldn’t do that while holding a grudge, wanting justice, and wanting that person to suffer as I had. Just as Maya Angelou said, I had to say, I forgive. I’m letting it go from myself. I’M FINISHED WITH IT! And I did.

That said, for a couple of years the person and the offense replayed in my mind and I had to remind myself, I’m finished with it. After a while, it no longer played in my mind.

I’m free! DSC_0025-9

NOTES ABOUT QUOTES

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I’ve always loved words. Especially those that inspire and encourage. Maybe that’s why I’m so drawn to quotes. I use them everyday on my Facebook page to encourage my FB friends. I’ve done this for years and although well-received by most, there are times the quote is totally misunderstood by some, especially those from other countries who are not familiar with our culture. Believe me, those who misunderstand the intent of the quote are quick to let me know exactly what they think. This sparks those who totally got the meaning and they are quick to let those who misunderstood know it. Thus, the whole purpose of the quote is forgotten in the fray. At the beginning of this year I noted on my page my purpose and goal for the daily quotes and also warned if anyone’s comments cause a misunderstanding of the intent of the quote I reserved the right to delete the comments. I’ve only had to do this a couple of times, thank goodness.

So, Linda? Why are you telling us this?

Well, I’ll tell you. I’ve written blogs for YEARS, and frankly, my ‘blogging well’ is dry. While driving today I worried over my dilemma, knowing I didn’t want to give up blogging, but I hate putting words in cyberspace that meant very little to most. That’s when it hit me! I love quotes. Quotes are often misunderstood. Why not share a quote and what it means to me? This ideas gave me new energy!  So each week I will post a quote and write a little about it. AND I will open it up to discussion. If you agree or disagree, there will be no deleting. (Unless the rudeness level is off the charts, of course)

Quotes are like powerhouse vitamins, small, yet nourishing. They are composed of a few words, yet they speak volumes. Therefore, with this new inspiration, I will change the direction of my blogging to using quotes that give health to our present and our future!

For now, I will close with a quote by Mark Twain. It perfectly summarizes why I love quotes and my reason for using them. I look forward to this new blogging venture!

A drop of ink may make a million think. ~ Mark Twain

Next blog’s quote is from the amazing Maya Angelou!